The Fyur Rookerie vs The Saaikshethyü Clan
by Yarthayaj'knaushtavdhladleklwa
Summary: Based off the famous Chappelle's Show skit "19th Street Gangsters vs. The River Terrace Crew", This short documentary covers the ongoing conflict between two of Danville's most brutal non-human crime syndicates.


_We see pictures of alien generals through the ages_

Narrator _(a member of the birdlike Nitarikit species_): Welcome to the Galaxy's Greatest Wars. We've reviewed the Rahaarite Civil War, Milky Way War II, and the Covenant War. But now, we turn your attention to a classic war that took place on a planet known as Srimabyör, known to humanity as Earth. (_Narrator sits down_) For the last 20 years on Danville's south side, a violent war has been waged between two bitter enemies: The Kig-Yar Fyur rookerie and the  
Tauttiyi Saaikshethyü Clan. The war began in AD 2512 over a manuscript, but this wasn't any ordinary manuscript. This was the Ancestral Manuscript...

_we see a Tauttiyi looking at a manuscript, when a Kig-Yar Skirmisher Male knocks it into the water._

Narrator: "You roach!" Chieftain Khinchadeisaaikshethyü called out after a member of the Kig-Yar Fyur rookerie, General Jak Fyur knocked said manuscript into the river below.

_"Hey! You roach! You've just destroyed my clan's manuscript!"_

_They begin fighting_

Narrator: Khinchadei knew then that he would have to fight him.

_Khinchadei lunges at Fyur, but he ducks out of the way and manages to subdue him. Fyur leaves, cackling in a birdlike manner_

Narrator: Khinchadei was down, but not out. He returned to his clan's encampment and rallied the troops with a most empassioned speech.

_"Some Kig-Yar bastard just destroyed our clan's manuscript! Are you ready to fight?!"_

_"TAUTTIYI BARAKL!" ("We are Tauttiyi!")_

_"Very well. We shall raid them during their precious mating ceremony!"_

_We see both Kig-Yar and Tauttiyi fighting_

Narrator: Wasting no time, the Saaikshethyü Tauttiyi commenced curb-stomping Kig-Yar cocks with their opposable feet to let them know who ruled Danville...

_Fyur pulls out and fires a plasma rifle_

Narrator:...General Jak Fyur pulled out a plasma rifle, unheard of at that time in space combat...

_We hear the sounds of a plasma rifle going off_

Narrator:...A Tauttiyi named Yartha'yajknaushtavdladhleklwa, who was out with his British girlfriend, called 911 immediately. A group of SPARTAN IIIs showed up later...

_Cackling_

Narrator:...Fyur was sentenced to 7 years in prison. His time there would be formative to say the least...

_We see Fyur seated next to a burned-out Dij (a parrotlike alien)_

Narrator:...His roomate in jail was a Dij named Hagiven Tashi'ikt, who told him stories of how to make Izeli powder.

"It's called Izeli. It's great, and it's so simple to make! All you need is some kander and some antifreeze, and a dash of vanilla and fizh. Whoever starts selling it is gonna be rich!"

Narrator: Fyur immedately alerted his friends on the outside via a letter:

_Hello, flock. You need to cook up some Izeli with antifreeze and sell it._

_for the best fortunes, Jak Fyur_

_PS: KWAAAAAAAAAAWK!_

Narrator: The Fyur began cooking the stuff up and began trading it on what little space they still controlled. They had made hundred of thousands of dollars in mere weeks...

_We see the Saaikshethyü engaging in the same thing_

Narrator:...In time, Khinchadei and his clan followed suit. The money made fueled what became a heated arms race between the two groups...

_Chieftain Khinchadei fires a pistol/General Jak Fyur fires a needle rifle/Khinchadei detonates a makeshift nuclear device_

Narrator:...The violence escalated every year, finally peaking in 2519 when the Fyur flock sustained a massive loss in the Battle of the Googolplex Mall...

_We see a picture of said mall_

Narrator:...Which took place in...The Googolplex Mall. Newly releaced from prison, Revered General Jak Fyur was behaded...

_We see Kig-Yar mourning_

Narrator:...The funeral was somber, and filled with Jak Fyur's signature cackling. The funeral passed without incident. What the Saaikshethyü did next disturbed even the toughest warriors. The Saaikshethyü clan dug up Jak Fyur's corpse, absconding with it to their encampment..

_We see the Saaikshethyü tampering with Jak Fyur's corpse._

Narrator:...The Saaikshethyü then proceeded to film their antics, sending it via the Internet to the Fyur flock.

_"Hey birdbrains! We've got your leader! He's nothing but a stiff now, $$holes! Lookee here! (sets his corpse on fire) BURN BABY BURN!_

Narrator: The conflict between the Saaikshethyü and the Fyur continue to this day. Most of the original combatants are either dead or in jail. But the Saaikshethyü chieftain, Khinchadeisaaikshethyü, now works at a Starbucks.

_We see Khinchadei working at a Starbucks (t), yelling_

_"IF YOU DIDN'T WANT CHAI IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR IT, DOUCHEBAG!"_

Narrator: Khinchadei, looking back at all the violence and bloodshed, would you say it was all worth it?

_"Yeah, it was a tragedy! Could you repeat the question?"_

Narrator: This has been The Galaxy's Greatest Wars.

_Fade to black_


End file.
